if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
