Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
