fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
