My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
