never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
