weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
