Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
