Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
