I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
