I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
