Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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