I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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