i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
