he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
