Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
