they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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