and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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