My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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