You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love having hate sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
