I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
