I bet he comes in French.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
