he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
