That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
