Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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