Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
