If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
