Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
