I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
