too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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