my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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