also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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