At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
