I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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