I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
