I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have post one night stand depression
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