so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
