i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
is it fun? or sober?
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