Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
