i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
