The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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