her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
