it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
