I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
