just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
