bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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