my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
