His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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