well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
