just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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