I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
