I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is the high leading the old right now
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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