Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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