The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
