Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
