yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
