I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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