u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
