he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
