You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
