he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
