Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
