He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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