Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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