He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish i was in the wii world.
handjob tips. give me some.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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