Already got asked if we're dating
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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