he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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