peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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