his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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