If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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