I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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