Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
