One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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