When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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