he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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