I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize