p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
