I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
