Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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