Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
